Okay, I've emailed Mark again apologizing, it probably wasn't the right thing but i have no idea what the right thing is anymore and i'm seriously falling apart, I'm seeing Mark for what he really is and in a way I'm mourning for the mark I fell in love with because it's not him, I don't know whats happened to him but marks changed and suddenly theres no room for me anymore, but i didn't take any of what i said back, I meant every single word but i don't think he'll even have the decency to read it because he doesn't care and i don't thikn he ever did - i feel so stupid, i am so stupid, and now i don't know what i'm doing, I'm smoking, drinking, swearing which isn't really like me and i'm arranging just to have casual 'fun' with 2 different guys atm kinda like friends with priviledges like i had with mark before we went out, but going further and without the emotions, I love Mark so much, I wish I didn't but it can't just go away it just can't (sigh) And I Miss him but what can you do?? He ended it, and i loved him so much, and I don't understand how you can say you love somebody and treat them like this i really don't, I don't understand Mark, I don't think he realises he's being a complete arsehole, maybe my emails will put it into perspective for him and maybe he'll treat the next girlfriend better, i really hope so cause no one deserves this and i'm fed up with putting up with it. I'm just falling apart at the moment, it's like when you're falling off a cliff and no-ones there at the bottom to catch you, last time i felt anywhere near as bad as this mark caught me but it's like he caught me half way down and now he's done this, he's like dropped me again and nothings below me but sharp brambles and i'm about to land