Okay I emailed mark today, it was terrible long, abusive and contained alot of swearing, I love mark i really do but i don't know what i'm doing anymore and it had to be said i guess - i've lost him i really have, i couldn't actually have pressed send so i left the room and derek pressed it, sigh, i dont know if what i've dones right but marks being a bit of an arse well more than a bit and i miss him but i need to move on i really do as much as i want to go back i don't think i can well i really can't, this is messed up, i'll keep you updated on what happens